What You Bitchin’ On Zardoz For?
Ah-aight, y’all. Everyone who told me “You have to see Zardoz because you love bad movies!” has lots of ‘splaining to do. Chadd, Marlin, etc. — you really must think I don’t know how to watch a film, cause if you think this is bad… whoa. We need to have a talk.
How can anyone dislike this film? Number one: Sean Connery in nothing more than a red diaper for over half the film. Less than this picture shows. This was his fancy costume. No crap. And he trims no body hair. It actually makes a poignant point in the film, but I leave you to discover that. I don’t want to spoil the fun of the erection scene.
Number two: Young Charlotte Rampling had boobs. And she wasn’t shy about sharing them. Of course, neither was any other English actress in the 70′s, it seems, but whatever.
Number three: This film looks like I imagine most every novel or short story by Philip Jose Farmer, Ted Sturgeon, James Tiptree, or the senile Robert Heinlein of the 80′s, bless his freakishly polyamorous conservative soul. It’s just that weird. Remember the PBS version of The Lathe of Heaven? This is so much more, but it’s all about capturing that same feeling.
Number four: Well, there’s the title and why I’ll be shelving it where I will be shelving it.
Number five: There is a fantastic scene where Zed wakes the apathetics. It includes lots of same-sex kissing. A couple of girl-girl ones, of course, but even a boy-boy one! Remarkable for 1974!
Number six: Did I mention Sean Connery in the red diaper? Dude seems so proud of his hairy Scottish ass. Awesome.
The only way I can picture Charlotte Rampling is on the poster for The Night Porter where she’s shown in that sexy leather outfit. YOWZA. She turns even a gay boy on.
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