I’m very excited to announce the casting of Hugh Jackman to play me in the musical version of my life. Buy your tickets for opening night now. They are sure to sell out sometime in the next 20 years.
Drugs are bad. Especially this one.
I knew I’d have to face it someday. Sudafed (the real kind) is now as hard to get as paragoric. Pfizer has reformulated their product by taking out the pseudoephedrine and replacing it with this stuff called phenylephrine. Not only do they not appear to have a 12-hour version of this Sudafed PE stuff, but as far as I can tell, it doesn’t do anything to help with my chronic sinusitis. And it makes me super jittery and nauseous. I can’t urge you strongly enough to stay away from this crap.
Why did they do this? Apparently you can make speed out of Sudafed. Who knew? Well, if the feeling I get from Sudafed PE is any indication, I bet you can make some whopping illicit drug out of that too. (Meth PE, perhaps?)
I understand that the pseudoephedrine versions (Sudafed Classic, I think they should call it in homage to Coke) will still be available … but pharmacists will keep it behind the counter. Great. Just what I wanted. Everyone in my neighborhood will think I’m running a meth lab.
I want one!
My New Friend
Okay, call me a stupid consumer but I love Pledge Multi-Surface. It rocks. I had to do lots of chores as a boy in a single-parent household and my life would have been so much easier if I could have used this product. I can’t tell you, as part of my daily chores, how many times I used furniture wax on the fridge or Windex on the dining room table.
Push Me Pull You
So, I keep coming back to children’s literature when I think of what makes “me” the person I am. And sometimes it scares me.
Why do all the classics I can think of have imperialist themes?
- Doctor Doolittle is a “vegetarian” who really craves the flesh of his patients.
- Babar would be nothing if he didn’t learn western ways. He certainly wouldn’t be king!
- Is the conclusion that Ozma is a “fair and gentle” ruler enough justification to alter the way of life of the people in hidden countries of Oz?
- How do those Narnia kids have *any* real claim to the throne of the country?!
And as a postscript… do you ever have nightmares about being held up against Mary Poppins’ tape measure? I do.