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St. Colford Medical Center: We treat uvulae, scrota, and giblets.

I’m home sick with the beginnings of a cold and took this opportunity to upgrade our WordPress installation. While I was at it, I took a look at our Web server stats. These were the top ten phrases used on search engines to find us this month:

  • swollen uvula
  • tattoo
  • computers internet blog
  • peace symbols
  • tiger tattoos
  • tattoo pictures
  • carol channing
  • just giblets
  • tiger stencils
  • uvula

I’ve often wondered if anyone besides our unusual friends sees our blog. Any semi-serious citizen journalism cred that my talented and creative husband generates by posting insightful book reviews has got to have been neutralized quickly by my dorky video posts of children cussing.

I’m honored that Carol Channing fans have found us and that I’m spreading the word about harmless (but alarming) uvular edema. Heck, maybe even girly tiger tattoos may become the fashion. Who woulda thunk I’d write the most Google-worthy posts?

Those top ten are great, but get this. There are more awesome phrases farther down the list. Here’s a selection of unusual search phrases that have brought people to us this month more than once!

  • pic of sudafed (I think the ban on over-the-counter sale is actually increasing interest in meth production.)
  • scary images of of people
  • medical wonders
  • crazy lady (I can’t imagine who that would be?)
  • swollen uvula anxiety (See? It’s really scary!)
  • balla powder tingle (Okay, now I’ve gotta try it.)

And of course there a few gems in the one-hit list.

  • sean connery red suspenders (Hot.)
  • batwing pharmacy (This cracks me up, realizing why it’s indexed.)
  • got giblets?
  • how to make a shy girl open up (WTF?)
  • are giblets good for you? (Need you ask?)
  • hooters of dayton ohio (Never been. Don’t think I’ve ever mentioned it either.)
  • abner i m closing the circle movie quote (I don’t know. But I think I want to see it.)
  • i miss kitty (This makes me sad and I wish the visitor had emailed me.)
  • sudafed pe makes me jittery
  • ernest borgnine what he attributes to a long life (You know what it is, right? But I didn’t post about that. I posted about him farting on Ethel Merman.)
  • men with large scrotums (Okay, that’s just eerie.)
  • pain in the giblet doctor

All in all, I think we’re filling a much needed gap in the consumer health web, if not for many physical issues, for mental ones. Shoot. I think we need an award, actually.

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What will they think of next?, or the lengths marketers will go to…

Balla PowderAs you’ve probably noticed, I don’t post as much as Scottie does, but every once in a while I see something that I just have to share.

First there was Vulva (totally not safe for work, but truly a must-see website.  Don’t skip the video) the original scent of a woman… and now we’ve got Bálla powder, on sale at, of all places, Amazon.com (you know, the online bookstore?)  This talc powder is designed to keep your scrotum silky-dry, smooth, and fresh-smelling.  Really.  Now I’m a fan of a dry, smooth, aromatic scortum as much as the next guy, but I’m not sure if a special powder is needed to do the job.  Here are a couple of excerpts from the product features list on its Amazon page:

  • For “nether region” freshness
  • Also great for sweaty buttocks, armpits and feet

Better yet, here’s the product description from Amazon:

Balla Powder for Men is the ideal anti-chafing and anti-wetness solution for clammy sacks. Guaranteed to prevent the dreaded “bat wing” syndrome, Balla Powder for Men is lightly scented with a masculine fragrance, for anyone else who plans to work in your close quarters. Can be sprinkled into your fudgies for all-day-long comfort and dryness. A fabulous post-workout treatment, Balla Powder for Men can also be used between your cheeks, as well as on fetid feet and aromatic armpits.

Tell me truly, do you spend a lot of time worrying about the dreaded “bat wing” syndrome?  And what’s the matter with good old baby powder if this is really an issue?  Of course, this product does come in original, fragrance free and “tingle” formula.  Hmmm.  Well, Scottie’s birthday is coming up in August, and I’ve been trying to think of something unique to get for him (and it’s only $15).  This just might do the trick.